Saturday, December 04, 2004
I wish.
I'm going crazy. I must be. The friends I used to think I knew so well are changing...too fast, too much. I can't catch up, and I feel stupid for it. I feel as if I've been dumped into an alien world...except that the things around me are all familiar, and the people's faces around me are the ones I knew. Except that their minds seemed to have been invaded. They're all speaking in languages I don't recognize.
Fine, that's the way of life. People change. But damn it, can't it change gradually? It seems as if the changes are happening overnight. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to say. No, scratch that. I know WHAT to say. I just don't know HOW to say them. I'm scared that someday, things will have changed so much that I can never find the connection that I used to have with the people that mattered most to me not so long before. That's probably the worst of it all. The fact that I've been left so far behind...that I can't seem to feel anything that I used to feel when I'm with them anymore. Does that make me a bad person? A disloyal one?
I was talking to my cousins awhile ago. Those who are close to my age. Maika was saying that we'd all left her behind, what with us being in college, and she still in high school. We told her how we envy her for being...young. For being seventeen, and looking forward to college. The way I once did. And I knew that I was being honest when I said that. I envy her. She's still got so much to expect and be optimistic about regarding college. She still has this certainty that she will forever be friends with the ones she has now. But Richelle, Marvin and I know better now. Things won't always stay the way they are. Some things change. Now, we're in that stage where things that seemed so far away before are looming over us like our own shadows chasing us. Things that we shouldn't even be thinking about at this age.
And Maika told us that that just goes to show how much older than her we've become. Now, we're starting to envy her youth. And she's right. We're not just older by three or two years. It's more than the number of years that changes a person. It's the life itself.
And this is depressing me even more.
I wish... I wish. But, as Yumi's YM status said awhile ago, "Wishing only wounds the heart."
Damn it, now I'm quoting songs.
This entry does not make sense at all. I'm just rambling on and on.
# Lyn found a missing piece @ 10:55 PM 
Comments:
it does make sense.
you always wish for something you don't have. and you end up getting depressed about it.
oo nga noh. bwiset na buhay. that's life.
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you always wish for something you don't have. and you end up getting depressed about it.
oo nga noh. bwiset na buhay. that's life.
# posted by 
: 10:11 AM
: 10:11 AM
