Friday, December 10, 2004
Issues
The guidance counselor at school told me I have a lot of issues I need to resolve. That was what she saw from my guidance test results, and from what little I said during the test interpretation with Cerz and Yumi this morning. And I think she was trying to convince me to go back for counseling...or something. Yeah, yeah, I know they say that to all the other students. But she was doing this eye-contact thing awhile ago, though there were four of us in the room. And I was doing the whole avoid-eye-contact exercise, the way babies in church do when you play the staring game with them.
She said I needed to work on my self-confidence badly. That I need to learn to love myself. That I need to leave something for myself instead of giving all my pep talks to other people (Cerz told her that I never have a problem with being optimistic for other people. It's just myself I'm always pessimistic about). I don't know why I have such a low self-esteem. I can't say that I've always been like that, because I can still remember the times when I would always volunteer to perform during Christmas parties and such. I even joined repertory workshops twice. And I didn't have any problem trying out for the drama club (even though I didn't get in) and the glee club before. So, why do I have such a low self-esteem? I don't know. I just do.
She also said that the reason that I don't feel comfortable receiving expressions of affection from others is that I don't know how to express affection to others myself. That I can't receive affection when I myself don't have anything to give. She told me that I should dig deeper and look back and see what made me incapable of showing and accepting affection. Again, I say, I don't know why I'm like this. My parents are affectionate people. They often send me text messages saying "I love you", and insist that I should kiss them the way other kids kiss older relatives during mass. But I always respond to their text messages with a mock gag, and try to avoid the whole kiss your parents' cheek thing. And I don't remember the last time I said I love you to them. No, I don't know why I'm like this. I just am.
But no, I don't think I need a shrink. I'm a college student. Isn't it normal to have a few problems? I don't need to have them dissected by a counselor.
# Lyn found a missing piece @ 9:49 PM 
Comments:
*pats you in the back*
there, there. everyone has issues.
and no, the guidance counselor isn't out to get you.
don't worry, things will be ok. it always does. somehow. :)
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there, there. everyone has issues.
and no, the guidance counselor isn't out to get you.
don't worry, things will be ok. it always does. somehow. :)
