Sunday, June 12, 2005
I just can't win.
I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again, ever again. No good deed goes unpunished!
I'm tired of trying to be the good girl, of trying to please my parents. In the end, I end up snapping anyway, and I end up making things even worse.
My family went to dinner in Good Earth in Metrowalk tonight. Actually, there was already a minor disagreement over the GMA news and politics, and where to eat. Dad wanted to eat somewhere else, the others wanted Good Earth. I didn't have an opinion myself, and I could already sense that my dad was getting into a bad mood, so I just kept quiet. Besides, I was getting a headache. The dull, throbbing kind that irritates you more than a full blown headache.
In Good Earth, there were disagreements over what to eat. Again, I mostly kept quiet, because my dad was getting tense coz mom and sis kept rejecting what he wanted us all to order. I just kept saying yes to what he wanted. When he asked me what I wanted, I said something. He critiqued my choice, commented positively on something else, so I changed my option to that one, though I did veto something else he wanted which I didn't even have any idea what it was as it only said Mao's Favorite.
Then, the waiter asked me what I want to drink. I said Melon Shake. My sister made some joke about how she was expecting me to say mango shake, and dad would make his standard comment on how there were too many mangoes at home, and that I should order something else. And it started. Dad suddenly started on me about the whole damn mango shake argument we had months ago again.
I'm ashamed to admit that I'm usually a crybaby when things become confrontational. And I was having that headache. I just got sick of always having to defend the few choices I'm able to make, even something as basic as what to eat and drink. And dad was getting mad coz I said I had a headache as an apology and an excuse for the sudden waterworks. Fine, I humiliated myself in Good Earth.
My sister was kicking me under the table to just shut up and ignore my dad's angry words. But I'm just not built that way. And anyway, they raised us to fight for something if we think we're justified. I just had to make him understand what I'm saying instead of twisting every word that comes out of my mouth and making me sound like such an ungrateful spoiled brat.
He said that he was getting sick of feeling out of place all the time because we always reject everything he wants. That we should learn to compromise and give in once in a while to what HE wanted. That he was always trying to please us but we're not doing the same. How he usually agrees to watch the movie we want, though he wants to watch something else, just to make us happy. But why was he getting mad at me?!? I was trying to do exactly that. I didn't complain when everytime he asked me what I wanted to order, and I answered, he kept shooting all my choices down. I ordered what he suggested in the first place, didn't I? As for the movie, I wanted to watch what he wanted, too, but damn it, we were late, the line for tickets was long, and I don't want to miss the start of a movie. What was wrong with that?!?
He complained how I was always ok when I'm with my friends, but then, with them, I'm claiming to have a headache. And why did I not tell them I had a headache before we watched the movie? So, I'm not allowed to have a headache now? Like it's my fault for getting one at that moment? And I got the headache while watching the movie. Plus, if I'd said that I wasn't in the mood to watch a movie with them, I would have gotten the same lecture about being happy hanging out with my friends but not them anyway.
I just can't win.
So, I ended up ruining our dinner when I'd tried so hard to keep things from going bad. Ended up making my sister and mom cry as well, and humiliating us all in Good Earth. Had to keep glaring at the waiters who kept staring at us. Story of my life. Good job, Edlyn.
I'm tired of trying to be the good girl, of trying to please my parents. In the end, I end up snapping anyway, and I end up making things even worse.
My family went to dinner in Good Earth in Metrowalk tonight. Actually, there was already a minor disagreement over the GMA news and politics, and where to eat. Dad wanted to eat somewhere else, the others wanted Good Earth. I didn't have an opinion myself, and I could already sense that my dad was getting into a bad mood, so I just kept quiet. Besides, I was getting a headache. The dull, throbbing kind that irritates you more than a full blown headache.
In Good Earth, there were disagreements over what to eat. Again, I mostly kept quiet, because my dad was getting tense coz mom and sis kept rejecting what he wanted us all to order. I just kept saying yes to what he wanted. When he asked me what I wanted, I said something. He critiqued my choice, commented positively on something else, so I changed my option to that one, though I did veto something else he wanted which I didn't even have any idea what it was as it only said Mao's Favorite.
Then, the waiter asked me what I want to drink. I said Melon Shake. My sister made some joke about how she was expecting me to say mango shake, and dad would make his standard comment on how there were too many mangoes at home, and that I should order something else. And it started. Dad suddenly started on me about the whole damn mango shake argument we had months ago again.
I'm ashamed to admit that I'm usually a crybaby when things become confrontational. And I was having that headache. I just got sick of always having to defend the few choices I'm able to make, even something as basic as what to eat and drink. And dad was getting mad coz I said I had a headache as an apology and an excuse for the sudden waterworks. Fine, I humiliated myself in Good Earth.
My sister was kicking me under the table to just shut up and ignore my dad's angry words. But I'm just not built that way. And anyway, they raised us to fight for something if we think we're justified. I just had to make him understand what I'm saying instead of twisting every word that comes out of my mouth and making me sound like such an ungrateful spoiled brat.
He said that he was getting sick of feeling out of place all the time because we always reject everything he wants. That we should learn to compromise and give in once in a while to what HE wanted. That he was always trying to please us but we're not doing the same. How he usually agrees to watch the movie we want, though he wants to watch something else, just to make us happy. But why was he getting mad at me?!? I was trying to do exactly that. I didn't complain when everytime he asked me what I wanted to order, and I answered, he kept shooting all my choices down. I ordered what he suggested in the first place, didn't I? As for the movie, I wanted to watch what he wanted, too, but damn it, we were late, the line for tickets was long, and I don't want to miss the start of a movie. What was wrong with that?!?
He complained how I was always ok when I'm with my friends, but then, with them, I'm claiming to have a headache. And why did I not tell them I had a headache before we watched the movie? So, I'm not allowed to have a headache now? Like it's my fault for getting one at that moment? And I got the headache while watching the movie. Plus, if I'd said that I wasn't in the mood to watch a movie with them, I would have gotten the same lecture about being happy hanging out with my friends but not them anyway.
I just can't win.
So, I ended up ruining our dinner when I'd tried so hard to keep things from going bad. Ended up making my sister and mom cry as well, and humiliating us all in Good Earth. Had to keep glaring at the waiters who kept staring at us. Story of my life. Good job, Edlyn.
# Lyn found a missing piece @ 8:31 PM 
