Monday, October 03, 2005
Running Marathon
My feet hurt. I've been running or walking fast all day. First, I walked back home (and yes, I do walk fast) when it was burning hot. By the time I got home, I was begging for water. What can I say--I'm a masochist. Then, I walked from the overpass to CTC--walkathon style again--coz my theo groupmates texted me that they were there. Then, after our theo magazine was done, Darls and I ran all the way to Rizal Foyer to get it printed. While we were in line, I realized that we'd forgotten the Oslo paper we wanted to use, so I ran back to the painting room to get it--and guess what, we didn't use it anyway coz the paper won't fit in the printer!). I told Darls to go ahead, get the rest of the group and get to class because we were already running late. By the time the printing was over, I was fifteen minutes late--and the class was in CTC. So, I ran all the way from the foyer to CTC. I thought that was the end of my impromptu marathon. Then, Poetry class came. Raph and I headed for the classroom in CTC early. But Sir Larry sent us back to Gonzaga to borrow the LCD project, only to find out that we could borrow the one in the computer room right across the hall from our classroom. And then, poetry class ended late, so I had to hurry back to Gonzaga, where my parents were parked...and halfway there, I realized that I had forgotten my umbrella. So...I had to run all the way back to the classroom at the very back of the third floor of CTC to get it, then I had to rush even more to get to Gonzaga.
I feel like I just trained for a marathon. My feet feel like jelly right now. They're "wobbling", as Ina mentioned awhile ago. Sana naman pumayat ako dun diba?!?
By the way, sorry, Darls, if I was a bit short of temper awhile ago when we were getting the magazine printed. It was just that we were running very late, and we were having problems getting the magazine printed, and my hands were shaking so bad I could barely cut the papers. So, though I know you don't read my blog, sorry anyway, if I snapped at you a bit.
At least it's over. We've submitted the portfolio. Thanks to Karlo, who lost a whole night's sleep over it. And yes, thanks to all of us, too--Kring, Darls, Camille--we all worked hard for it! Hell, we were practically eating, breathing and living theology all weekend (all day, Saturday, and Sunday, from 1 pm to 11 pm).
Too bad though, my class standing just went down a grade because of that synthesis paper, because of my stupidity. But I'm gonna get that appealed. Anyway, I think he made a mistake in counting the minuses and pluses. I know I'm too grade-conscious, but damn it, it's my only chance for an A! And we still have the orals to deal with.
I'm definitely not going to get a stellar grade in philo. I saw my recitation grade. 7 recitations--and three of them are 0. Whoopee.
Oh yeah, I also got the Ateneo law school application form from Miss Patawaran. Exam date's on November 12...my mom's birthday. Next month. Shoot. And apparently I do need two recommendation letters. Hell. Where would I get those? Definitely not from My Lord. He'll laugh at my face if I even dare ask. Plus I read the questions they have to answer. Oral communications? I'm lousy at that, and My Lord knows it.
I'm scared. Again. I don't even know why I'm bothering to apply. I'll never get in. And even if I do, I'll be kicked out before the end of a year. Call it pessimism if you will, but that's how I feel.
Maybe the reason why I'm always stressing out about this whole law school thing is that, somewhere in me, there's a part that knows I don't really want to go to law school, and that I'm just pretending to do so. That I'm just doing this to prove something. To prove what and to whom, I'm not so sure anymore.
Many people in my clan already expect me to follow my godmother's footsteps and go to law school. And if I don't, what will I do? If there's anything I've learned these past three-and-a-half years is that writing professionally isn't something that I can do. It's not pessimism. It's fact.
There's a big part of me that wants to take up my parents' suggestion of taking graduate studies in London for montessori education (or something like that). It's something I never thought of before. And it's something that doesn't scare me as much as the other suggestions had. But then, there's the expense, even I know that. And then, there's the adjustment thing.
Damn. Why can't I be like other people anyway? Why do I keep thinking too hard about things and making things complicated?
I feel like I just trained for a marathon. My feet feel like jelly right now. They're "wobbling", as Ina mentioned awhile ago. Sana naman pumayat ako dun diba?!?
By the way, sorry, Darls, if I was a bit short of temper awhile ago when we were getting the magazine printed. It was just that we were running very late, and we were having problems getting the magazine printed, and my hands were shaking so bad I could barely cut the papers. So, though I know you don't read my blog, sorry anyway, if I snapped at you a bit.
At least it's over. We've submitted the portfolio. Thanks to Karlo, who lost a whole night's sleep over it. And yes, thanks to all of us, too--Kring, Darls, Camille--we all worked hard for it! Hell, we were practically eating, breathing and living theology all weekend (all day, Saturday, and Sunday, from 1 pm to 11 pm).
Too bad though, my class standing just went down a grade because of that synthesis paper, because of my stupidity. But I'm gonna get that appealed. Anyway, I think he made a mistake in counting the minuses and pluses. I know I'm too grade-conscious, but damn it, it's my only chance for an A! And we still have the orals to deal with.
I'm definitely not going to get a stellar grade in philo. I saw my recitation grade. 7 recitations--and three of them are 0. Whoopee.
Oh yeah, I also got the Ateneo law school application form from Miss Patawaran. Exam date's on November 12...my mom's birthday. Next month. Shoot. And apparently I do need two recommendation letters. Hell. Where would I get those? Definitely not from My Lord. He'll laugh at my face if I even dare ask. Plus I read the questions they have to answer. Oral communications? I'm lousy at that, and My Lord knows it.
I'm scared. Again. I don't even know why I'm bothering to apply. I'll never get in. And even if I do, I'll be kicked out before the end of a year. Call it pessimism if you will, but that's how I feel.
Maybe the reason why I'm always stressing out about this whole law school thing is that, somewhere in me, there's a part that knows I don't really want to go to law school, and that I'm just pretending to do so. That I'm just doing this to prove something. To prove what and to whom, I'm not so sure anymore.
Many people in my clan already expect me to follow my godmother's footsteps and go to law school. And if I don't, what will I do? If there's anything I've learned these past three-and-a-half years is that writing professionally isn't something that I can do. It's not pessimism. It's fact.
There's a big part of me that wants to take up my parents' suggestion of taking graduate studies in London for montessori education (or something like that). It's something I never thought of before. And it's something that doesn't scare me as much as the other suggestions had. But then, there's the expense, even I know that. And then, there's the adjustment thing.
Damn. Why can't I be like other people anyway? Why do I keep thinking too hard about things and making things complicated?
# Lyn found a missing piece @ 9:10 PM 
