We (Cerz, Jace, Geopet and I) went to the Loyola Schools today to visit the old hangouts. We sat in during the seniors' FA Practicum class, and I finally got to see how the current senior Fine Arts majors are doing with their Fine Arts Festival.

They're really serious, don't you think? Sitting there quietly, discussing their strategies in such...businesslike-manner. Barely any laughter in the room (except from us alumni sitting at the back with Missy, the practicum adviser). Plus, for the first time, the fine arts majors have been separated. The Information Design majors are apparently not part of the festival. Meanwhile, the ones who are part were all sitting close to each other, huddled in the center of the room, and yet...you don't sense much of the camaraderie that's usually the best part of the class--at least from what I remember of our practicum classes.

And I can still remember those practicum classes. The rowdiness, laughter, craziness, hyperness, good-natured ribbings, gossip sessions. Even the occasional tears and frustration towards the weeks leading up to the Fine Arts Festival week. I remember how Abi, Benny, Monette and Joe would come to class, bearing containers of home-baked cookies to sell, how we would all spend the class either placing those cookies in their proper packages or cutting up printed labels while we continued discussing whatever. There was that bond, that closeness, that camaraderie that I found lacking awhile ago when I sat in during the practicum class of the current seniors.

Missy said that it was because our block was composed of people who were "all heart", while the current seniors were "all mind". I know that statement would incite mixed views. Some, if not most people, would think that it's better not to let the heart get mixed in with work. Emotions are impractical, they tend to make things messy. It's like business, you have to be objective and serious. And it's not advisable to work with your friends. When you mix friendship and "business", you find yourself on boggy ground eventually.

And yet, I find that I prefer the way it had been with our block. Sure, we had some bad moments. Towards the end, when we were so close to the Fine Arts Festival, we were all feeling the pressure so much that we found ourselves sniping at each other or being reduced to tears. There were resentments, temporary hostilities (in some cases, not-so-temporary). We found ourselves discovering things about our friends that we didn't quite like. It's harder because of the friendship.

But the friendship is also what saves you in the end. Working together can really be the ultimate test of friendship. See, when you're working with real friends, you get those moments of tension, moments of resentment. But then, that bond, that closeness is still there somewhere underneath the tension and resentment. Once you get past the difficulties, the tension and resentment go away, and the bond is stronger than ever, because you worked together in making it all happen. And you know that everything that happened is worth it. Plus, you've got the memories to carry with you after you graduate.

In the case of the seniors awhile ago, all I saw were a bunch of people who seemed kind of indifferent to one another. Too many cliques. And yeah, there's the resentment again, the hostility. Especially since they're having problems right now. So, what happens once January hits, and they're close to the festival? The tension will rise. The resentment will build up. And once it's over, once the festival is all wrapped up, the last guest has left, and the last set prop has been packed up, what's left is a coat of bitterness so thick that you can't see past it anymore. There's nothing underneath to help take away the layers of resentment. It's either that or the bitterness goes away, only to be replaced again with pure indifference.

I'm not quite sure which is worse. At least with bitterness, you know that you cared enough about the people you worked with that you can still feel anything about them. With indifference, you just move on as if the other person never left any mark in your life. You don't even have any worthwhile memories, anything, to take with you when you move on.

I don't know. We'll see what'll happen with this year's festival.

*I know the post's incohent and that there are a lot of grammatical errors here. Actually, I don't have much energy right now to care. :P*