Thursday, October 12, 2006
Masquerade
Once, not so long ago, I posted this in my Livejournal account. And since it's still very apt with regard to certain things happening lately, I'm posting it again, this time, in this blog.
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Ever felt that, for at least half your life, you've been wearing a mask? Now imagine yourself succumbing to the temptation of stripping off that same mask. And you find that there are more masks underneath. And, though taking off the first one had been momentarily mortifying, momentarily terrifying, you feel this intense desire for more, you can't get rid of this intense urge to peel off the rest of the masks, piece by piece, layer by layer. Until you've stripped them all away. Though there's this part of you that still struggles to stop, you can't. You give in to that iresistible urge and keep on peeling away. Just to see how it would feel like finally laying it all out. Just to see if it would make you feel better.
And what if it doesn't? What if, once you've stripped off all the layers, you find nothing real underneath? Maybe you'd been wearing so many masks for so long that there really is nothing left underneath. Maybe all there ever was were the lies, the masks, you'd been piling on all your life. Or what if there is something underneath? And after the initial thrill of finally being able to lay it all out for all to see, you find yourself just feeling...hollow and empty and naked. Unbearably exposed and ashamed. And you wish you could replace all these masks you'd stripped off. There are secrets which are meant to be kept forever, after all. Never to be acknowledged by anyone, not even by you yourself. It had once been your source of comfort, knowing that nobody but you knew, and, as long as nobody else knew, you could always pretend that it didn't exist. Now you don't even have that. Much as you realize that you prefer the masks after all, you can't take it all back, you can't put on the masks again once you'd taken them off. The masks are gone, and you can never have them back. All you have left are useless regrets.
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Speaking of regrets, I'm getting a lot of that lately. Ain't it always that way? Regrets always come to keep you company when it's too late to change things. In fact, they keep coming until you're all but smothered. And if things go on the way they are going right now, and if nothing changes, in me and in my life, I'm afraid they never will stop coming.
_______________________
Ever felt that, for at least half your life, you've been wearing a mask? Now imagine yourself succumbing to the temptation of stripping off that same mask. And you find that there are more masks underneath. And, though taking off the first one had been momentarily mortifying, momentarily terrifying, you feel this intense desire for more, you can't get rid of this intense urge to peel off the rest of the masks, piece by piece, layer by layer. Until you've stripped them all away. Though there's this part of you that still struggles to stop, you can't. You give in to that iresistible urge and keep on peeling away. Just to see how it would feel like finally laying it all out. Just to see if it would make you feel better.
And what if it doesn't? What if, once you've stripped off all the layers, you find nothing real underneath? Maybe you'd been wearing so many masks for so long that there really is nothing left underneath. Maybe all there ever was were the lies, the masks, you'd been piling on all your life. Or what if there is something underneath? And after the initial thrill of finally being able to lay it all out for all to see, you find yourself just feeling...hollow and empty and naked. Unbearably exposed and ashamed. And you wish you could replace all these masks you'd stripped off. There are secrets which are meant to be kept forever, after all. Never to be acknowledged by anyone, not even by you yourself. It had once been your source of comfort, knowing that nobody but you knew, and, as long as nobody else knew, you could always pretend that it didn't exist. Now you don't even have that. Much as you realize that you prefer the masks after all, you can't take it all back, you can't put on the masks again once you'd taken them off. The masks are gone, and you can never have them back. All you have left are useless regrets.
______________________
Speaking of regrets, I'm getting a lot of that lately. Ain't it always that way? Regrets always come to keep you company when it's too late to change things. In fact, they keep coming until you're all but smothered. And if things go on the way they are going right now, and if nothing changes, in me and in my life, I'm afraid they never will stop coming.
# Lyn found a missing piece @ 6:36 PM 
