Monday, October 09, 2006
Random babblings of the pet monkey
I went to the Ateneo Loyola Schools today to once again make use of the Rizal Library, the way I often do whenever we get a free day like this. Turned out I wasn't the only one from law school who had gotten that idea since Red showed up not long after I arrived. We were hungry, so we went to the caf for lunch. And while eating, we got to talking. About how, all of a sudden, from where we were standing--or sitting, college seemed like such a breeze. Easy, carefree, fun.
It's been a million years since graduation. Or at least it feels like it. Actually, it's only been...6 1/2 months? Less? But that's calendar month. I'm talking more of...er, psychological month. Or whatever you choose to call it.
However long it's actually been, while I was there awhile ago, I could sense that distance already. I could feel myself slowly losing that connection I once had with what had been my school. I no longer belonged there, no longer fit in as comfortably as I once did when we were enrolled there. Doesn't matter that I graduated from that school. Doesn't matter that I am still, technically, an Atenean. Doesn't matter that I am the proud bearer of an Atenean ID--probably because it's a Law School ID, not a college one.
While walking towards the cafeteria, Red and I noticed how there were very few people we still knew. Used to be, you can't take two steps without running into someone you know and end up being stopped several times while you chat with them about anything under the sun. Today, I can count on one hand the number of people I met whom I actually knew, not including Red. Ada, Missy, Papu. Not even an entire hand.
And then, there's the atmosphere. In the Loyola Schools, the fields are filled with students just milling about, hanging out with friends, dawdling around. Once you get to the cafeteria, it's still crowded and noisy. People are lazing about as they eat, laughing about everything under the sun, playing cards, chatting up a storm. Some of them can actually spend hours just sitting there, yakking, yakking, yakking. There are a lot of tables--two floors of them. And yet, it's hard to find an empty one.
Shift to a scene in the cafeteria of the Law School. It's not a cafeteria--it's a canteen. Very small. Just one square-shaped room, with one counter from which you select your food. Unlike in the Loyola Schools caf, you don't see much variety of food here. Just a couple other concessionaires. That's it. There are only a few tables, and yet, you never seem to run out of empty tables.
That's because not many people hang out in the canteen. We go there to eat. Of course, we still chat while we eat. We're still human beings, after all. But we don't stay too long. You don't see a single person playing cards there. After everyone is done eating, we all stand up and head back to the real hang-out place in the whole building--the library. That's where you find the people.
There's another difference between the college and law school. In college, you're really pretty much self-reliant. You have friends, but that's because you choose to. If your block bonds, well and good, but not many blocks do so. And yet, after college, you usually still meet up with your friends, visit each other, hang out from time to time.
In law school, the blocks don't have much choice but to bond. You don't survive alone in law school...you need the others as much as you need yourself. Maybe more. Your block is your lifeline--both academically and emotionally. But then, when someone chooses to leave, you can pretty much bet you'll never see him/her again.
That's the irony of it.
Cynical, maybe. But I prefer to think of myself as realistic. I harbor no illusions. I know that, if and when I get kicked out of law school, possibly after this semester, I will never see any of my blockmates again. Aside from the occasional sightings in the mall or wherever. Especially me, who's kind of distanced from the rest of the block. I get along with most of them, but I'm not as close to the block as the rest of them are. I still know so little of many of them. Probably because I rarely go to the block outings.
Yeah. That's why it's so hard to let yourself get too attached. You never know when it will all be taken away from you. The moment you allow yourself to get attached to the place, the people, to let yourself grow roots, so to speak, it'll hurt so much more when you're yanked off. Hard enough getting kicked out when it's just your ego that's going to get bruised by failure. How much more when emotions get added to the mix?
Ah, yes. This is what happens when you spend more than half a day in a library. My head hurts.
It's been a million years since graduation. Or at least it feels like it. Actually, it's only been...6 1/2 months? Less? But that's calendar month. I'm talking more of...er, psychological month. Or whatever you choose to call it.
However long it's actually been, while I was there awhile ago, I could sense that distance already. I could feel myself slowly losing that connection I once had with what had been my school. I no longer belonged there, no longer fit in as comfortably as I once did when we were enrolled there. Doesn't matter that I graduated from that school. Doesn't matter that I am still, technically, an Atenean. Doesn't matter that I am the proud bearer of an Atenean ID--probably because it's a Law School ID, not a college one.
While walking towards the cafeteria, Red and I noticed how there were very few people we still knew. Used to be, you can't take two steps without running into someone you know and end up being stopped several times while you chat with them about anything under the sun. Today, I can count on one hand the number of people I met whom I actually knew, not including Red. Ada, Missy, Papu. Not even an entire hand.
And then, there's the atmosphere. In the Loyola Schools, the fields are filled with students just milling about, hanging out with friends, dawdling around. Once you get to the cafeteria, it's still crowded and noisy. People are lazing about as they eat, laughing about everything under the sun, playing cards, chatting up a storm. Some of them can actually spend hours just sitting there, yakking, yakking, yakking. There are a lot of tables--two floors of them. And yet, it's hard to find an empty one.
Shift to a scene in the cafeteria of the Law School. It's not a cafeteria--it's a canteen. Very small. Just one square-shaped room, with one counter from which you select your food. Unlike in the Loyola Schools caf, you don't see much variety of food here. Just a couple other concessionaires. That's it. There are only a few tables, and yet, you never seem to run out of empty tables.
That's because not many people hang out in the canteen. We go there to eat. Of course, we still chat while we eat. We're still human beings, after all. But we don't stay too long. You don't see a single person playing cards there. After everyone is done eating, we all stand up and head back to the real hang-out place in the whole building--the library. That's where you find the people.
There's another difference between the college and law school. In college, you're really pretty much self-reliant. You have friends, but that's because you choose to. If your block bonds, well and good, but not many blocks do so. And yet, after college, you usually still meet up with your friends, visit each other, hang out from time to time.
In law school, the blocks don't have much choice but to bond. You don't survive alone in law school...you need the others as much as you need yourself. Maybe more. Your block is your lifeline--both academically and emotionally. But then, when someone chooses to leave, you can pretty much bet you'll never see him/her again.
That's the irony of it.
Cynical, maybe. But I prefer to think of myself as realistic. I harbor no illusions. I know that, if and when I get kicked out of law school, possibly after this semester, I will never see any of my blockmates again. Aside from the occasional sightings in the mall or wherever. Especially me, who's kind of distanced from the rest of the block. I get along with most of them, but I'm not as close to the block as the rest of them are. I still know so little of many of them. Probably because I rarely go to the block outings.
Yeah. That's why it's so hard to let yourself get too attached. You never know when it will all be taken away from you. The moment you allow yourself to get attached to the place, the people, to let yourself grow roots, so to speak, it'll hurt so much more when you're yanked off. Hard enough getting kicked out when it's just your ego that's going to get bruised by failure. How much more when emotions get added to the mix?
Ah, yes. This is what happens when you spend more than half a day in a library. My head hurts.
# Lyn found a missing piece @ 5:24 PM 
