And so it was back to the old routine for us yesterday. Going to school an hour before the scheduled time for the first class, waiting outside room 301 like bums waiting for handouts--actually we were waiting for some industrious soul who is self-reliant and patient enough to go retrieve the classroom keys from the registrar's office. Wondering if the class was going to be at 12:30 or at 1:30 that day. If Atty. de Castro would for once in his life arrive on time, or even arrive at all.
Midterms has ended and the second half of the semester has begun.
And no, Atty. de Castro did not arrive at all.
It was a bit bizarre, after two weeks of desperate cramming in the library, obsessing about our exams, before and after the exam itself. Trying to interpret what questions the professors would be asking us, if we have the chance of passing that ridiculously impossible exam, if we have any chance at all of passing this semester and making it to the next. And suddenly, it's over.
Yesterday, I came to school, not at 9 or sometime close to that, but at 11:30. I only spent about 15 minutes in the library to finish the crim digests that we would end up not submitting after all. I waited outside the classroom until it opened not flipping through my notes and trying to cram as much information as I could into my overworked brain.
It was...wierd. Heh. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not.
And so what happens next? I've made a what you may think of as a half-baked decision concerning my future in law school. Obviously, if I don't pass the semester, I won't be going on to the next semester. I'll be a bum, desperately searching for any other job than doesn't involve plants. But I've sort of decided that if ever I do pass, and if my grades aren't too dismal as to show that I'll surely be kicked out after the second semester anyway, I'm going to stick it out and give it a shot.
Because the sad truth is, I've got nowhere else to go. At this point, law school is my only chance of making a life that I worked for, not something that's been given to me just because I happen to be the daughter. A life that's actually my own. So, yeah, if God, the law school administration and the professors do decide to give me a chance, I'll stick it out.
One thing I learned these past nearly 22 years, for some people, it's not a matter of choosing the best option, of choosing the life they want, the life that will make them happy. For some people, the choice is the lesser of two evils. They just have to be contented with that and make the best out of it. As the cliche goes, when life gives you a lemon, make lemonade! (By the way, I don't much like lemonade). :P
And I'm just a bundle of laughs today, am I not? Well, that's as optimistic as I'll ever get. If I were any more optimistic, no one would recognize me anymore. Heh.
# Lyn found a missing piece @ 10:44 AM